“I have been in this thing called Christianity for a while, it’s not been an easy one. There is little that I have not done, from missions to bible studies to prayer kesha’s, to leadership roles and conferences. I have even preached. I wish I were able to say that am now a few inches off heaven. I feel unaccomplished.
The bitter truth is I feel like quitting. I feel like just letting go. Especially when I look around and see my friends all happy and not worrying if they read their bibles in the morning or not. I want to be free. I want to take a walk into that famous club on your way to annex, sit by the bar and order my ‘madiaba of fanta’ and just sip in oblivion as i watch skimpily-dressed girls shake what their mothers gave them. I want my worries to be drowned into the loud booming music. I want to talk like I want, not worrying that the cu people will hear me. I want to introduce myself to that girl then we go and do what I see my neighbors do and not care about those purity sermons.
You know why, because am tired of being strong. I am tired of walking into the church and seeing everyone spiritualized and sober as if they are celibate of any sins. I am tired of lifting hands as if all is okay. Am tired of being judged on how many prayer meetings am able to attend. Am sick of attending so many meetings all in the name of Jesus. I want to be free. I want to do what I want. I want to go out to rave, I want to watch and listen to whatever I want. I want to walk into the church when I want, keep it short and sweet and walk out, I don’t want to be judged on where I was last night. I don’t want to be burdened with responsibilities in this and that ministry. So that’s why I am quitting the church.”
If you have never felt this way then you are either lying or you are just so good. Whichever case, be the judge of yourself. Once in a while ive found myself in a crowd where I have to defend ‘watu wa CU’ but with time I gave up trying. One of the reasons is I learnt that the CU belongs to nobody, it has been here for more than 25 years now and it will continue surviving the test of time, it doesn’t need our defending cause Gods already got it an advocate-Jesus Christ. The second reason, this I say very carefully is many times the accusers who point fingers want the church to condone and tolerate things that are otherwise not spiritual. I want to believe no one has been turned aside for being biblically spiritual, I stand corrected.
But that’s not the point for this story, the above case shows that we are our own undoing. Like most churches out there we have been swallowed by religion. With insistence on attendance and working and being like others. We have put on ourselves too much to do and too much expectations. Of course the walk is not easy, there are sacrifices. But we have forgotten to breathe, we are busy swimming in the waters forgetting we are supposed to pop our head out and take a breather as we continue. That’s why when we are shaken by academics or social issues or when we trip and fall it becomes difficult to rise up again because we feel like everyone else is too spiritual. Listen brethren, Jesus died for you as an individual not a CU somewhere. You are the temple, if you are okay then the church will be okay. Let no one put this pressure on you, because the truth is we are all struggling, yet when we reach the church we pretend like we got this all figured out and put up this brave faces.
You are not alone. We are all struggling. We just don’t know how to share. So let us stop pretending we are all fine and putting undue pressure on each other. Let us start confiding in each other. The CU is a great place to grow but only when we understand that our priority is first God to ourselves, then God to all of us. we are all a bunch of sinners lost and trying to find our way. So to everyone, especially our leaders, remember to breathe. You don’t owe anyone spirituality.
YOU: I feel so much pressure, I think want to quit.
ME: Me too, I feel like this is too much. Should we quit together.
US: Maybe we can quit pretending together and start being real together.
By Big Brother
*the views expressed above are solely those of the writer and do not represent that of the Christian union.